Does it make you cross?

Picking up women's magazines is a "must" when you're sitting in a doctors consulting rooms, or the hairdressers, or wherever while you're waiting for your appointment time. Most of us in this group anyway no longer personally purchase women's magazines - they're far too expensive and even if there is an article or two that takes our interest, the rest is usually of no interest whatsoever. We don't suppose the publishers would like to hear that, but it's true.

So with six of the more "popular" magazines on our communal table this morning while we were enjoying our early morning "getting ready to start work" cuppa, we started flipping through the pages. Now we're all ages so you'd think we'd find something that relates to each and every one of us within the pages of these national and international magazines.

But that's not so.

It was the youngest one in our group Melissa, who actually voiced what we were all thinking. "Why don't they ever show real women of all ages, rather than very young and quite honestly anorexic teens?" This really impressed us, not that she'd said outright something we've been thinking for a long time, but that as a young woman she "saw" something inappropriate by the magazines' attitudes. In her 20s she went on to say how confused she becomes when trying to relate the real world with what is dished up week after week in the women's magazines.

This is something of a pet peeve as far as we're concerned. Surely women's magazines are written and published for all women? Surely that means women of all ages, all colours, all shapes and all sizes, all colours, and so on? Yet all we see are so-called "celebrities" (journalists don't even know the meaning of the word!) who are constantly undergoing change. Cosmetic surgery; excessive and extreme dieting; wearing the latest and most expensive fashion; changing partners/lovers as often as they change their hair shampoo; or else sensationalised stories that go out of their way to beat the realms of common sense. The value and worth and standards of women's magazines have sunk very low as far as we're concerned. And in so doing they've relegated women (who they're supposed to inspire or motivate) even lower in their own feelings of self worth.

There are absolutely stunningly beautiful women out there - even in your town or city - of a certain age (40,50,60 and older), who wear and use fashion to express themselves and their personalities in such a way as to inspire women of all ages to copy or to adapt to suit themselves. There are just as many women of size who are flamboyant and expressive and who take your breath away with their confidence and beauty. But these women never grace the pages of women's magazines. Why? Because as an editor - male - of the leading magazine here in Australia told us - "we don't want to offend our readers." What arrogance. What hypocrisy. What he, and others, don't realise is that he is perpetuating the thought that age and size is offensive! What century are these people living in?

When an editor of a woman's magazine is fired (happened here in Australia) because she had the audacity of putting a lovely young and internationally applauded size 16 woman on the cover of her magazine, well you know something is really wrong with society and it's attitudes.

The gaining of self-esteem!

“If one is truly to succeed in leading a person to a specific place, one must first and foremost take care to find her where she is and begin there”. ….© Soren Kierkgaard

Can anyone tell me why?

Most of our group are intelligent, thinking women. We may be a little on the weird side occasionally, but on the whole ......

A couple of us have been around for a "while" and a couple of us have yet to taste the spoils of success (whatever one may define as success); each of us feels fulfilled and contented at this point in time. But we all smile - a lot, every day. At each other, at what we do, and at times we even laugh at ourselves.

We got to talking over morning coffee yesterday about the angry, hostile, arrogant, smouldering, pouty looks of today's young models. In the newspapers, the women's magazines. They stomp and stamp, they march (even frog-march), they treat the catwalk as their anger-management counsellor. If they could, they look as though they would throw themselves on the floor and give us two minute tantrums just like a 2 year old! And for what reason?

Does glowering at the audience make their garments more attractive? Does it make them more attractive? And if so, to whom?

What's wrong with a smile? Is there something inherently "bad" about showing the world, from the catwalk and the pages of magazines, that they love what they're doing, that they love what they're wearing, that they want YOU to love what they're wearing?

Because this anger and hostility and arrogance shows itself reflected in the faces of too many young (and older for that matter) women who walk down our streets, who shop in our malls, and who pass us as we walk by. It seems as though it is considered to be normal.

But in our dealings with women a number of them have actually said they won't even say hello or greet people who glare with such distaste - it's almost as though they are at war with the world, with other women and indeed themselves.

Any opinions?

The "uniform" of today

I was waiting for Carol to arrive at the local coffee shop. With large floor to ceiling windows looking out into the mall, I watched as people went about shopping, stopping to chat and so on. It suddenly occurred to me that women particularly have taken up a “uniform” in clothing.

Apart from jeans and tee shirts, the majority of women are wearing hip length shirts - sometimes as a jacket over the ubiquitous tee shirt, with black pants. The more I looked, the more I saw the same.

I can remember as a young Mum with a teenage daughter that she and her friends were saying they didn’t want to wear a school uniform. “It wasn’t cool to look the same as everyone else”. It wasn’t fair that the school “made” them do so - they wanted to wear the clothes they chose. They got their own way.

She’s grown up now and has teenagers of her own. But something strange has happened. No longer does she wear "choices". I notice that she is now wearing this “middle-aged” uniform of a black tee shirt and black pants. Not only around the house but when she goes out, even to the cinema or theatre, having a BBQ or visiting neighbours. Always the same sort of outfit. Her entire wardrobe is made up of black tee shirts and black pants. I mentioned this “uniform look” to her the other day and she said, “Surely Mum, you can understand they’re more comfortable”. More comfortable than what? And just what does being comfortable have to do with wearing clothes that you like, maybe even better than tee shirts and black pants.

If women were only given the choice of wearing black or white tee shirts and black pants, they'd be screaming "we want choice".

Look, I’m not saying for one minute that black tee shirt and black pants aren't comfortable and practical, but let’s get a bigger perspective on “fashion”. For what appears to have happened is that the choices gained made all those years ago have now been put to one side and a new "uniform" has taken over. You can see it in women of all ages - young (even tweens), adult and elderly women.

Can’t we see the adventure in playing with colour and texture and design and style and fabric? Have a look around at the women in your shopping mall or coffee shop next time you go and see if you don’t agree with me.

Leonie Stevens .... You'll never guess!

I was invited to attend a small business meeting of a group of business women the other week. Living and working as a corporate woman my daily "uniform" for want of a better word has been, for a number of years (in fact more years than I care to admit), a smart business jacket and slacks (more commonly known as "pants" these days). For many business women it appears to be the "expected" standard style of dress.

But I woke up this morning, wanting to do something different. Sometimes I feel a little mischievous! So I wore a lovely slightly flared ankle length skirt with a smart edge to edge jacket over a cami. For comfort I wore my favourite boots.

Let me tell you I felt great. The reflection in the mirror also confirmed that feeling. Compliments were expressed, even by my colleague in the government, and it takes a lot for her to find something good to commend.

That got me thinking. As a matter of course, we tend to sometimes allow ourselves to become, well - not really boring, but lacking in a bit of imagination.

Do you know because I looked good in the mirror (even side and back view!!), I "felt" good. And that feeling has lasted all day.

I intend to do this sort of thing more often. To step out of the "comfort zone" as far as corporate wear is concerned, and wear slightly more feminine clothing, especially when the occasion allows.

© 2009 Leonie Stevens, Australia

Leonie Stevens ..... on Daydreaming .....

I'm at long last finding time to spend to myself and I'm being surprised every day with the knowledge there are times when I like solitude.

Let me hasten to say though, that in no way do I enjoy being "lonely" and sometimes it happens - but I mean choosing to be "alone" is quite nice when you want it to be.

For those of you who know me a little through my columns in various women's newsletters, you'll already know my career curve has taken another one - curve I mean! I'm loving the freedom that this choice is giving me in doing the things that I want to do, when I want to do them, and with whom I want to do them. And I'm saying nothing further in that regard - well, not at the moment anyway.

This morning has been one of those bleak cold and grey mornings, and while sitting down with a good book and a cup of coffee - with cream! - I found I was suddenly transported away on imaginings and my thoughts were falling all over each other in their scramble to form a sensible pattern. I realise I was daydreaming, and when I thought more seriously about it, I realised I hadn't had time to daydream for years, being heavily committed to business activities and travelling and then having to run the home as well before my CDC - "career direction change".

I remembered as a child - especially in the classroom, when I would dabble in daydreaming - of course neither the teacher nor my parents found it a bit amusing, and told me I was wasting valuable time and expense in doing so.

But you know, I found in my early and mid-adulthood, that being able to daydream occasionally rounded off some of the harsh edges that life created for me. And I guess it's the same for many people. Being able to put day-dreams into action plays a big part in our abilities to take of new challenges, to set new goals and to undertake new adventures.

I don't know about you, but I find daydreams very valuable stuff - without them I think life would be sadly lacking in some of the romance and fantasy areas that we all need at some time during our lives.

That's not to say we should spend the whole day daydreaming, but occasionally it can do us good. As a matter of fact just like chocolates - I've read so many times over the past decade or so just how VERY good chocolates can be for us, if eaten sensibly and moderately.

That's great because I've decided to take advantage of daydreaming when I want to, and enjoying chocolates when I want to. Perhaps I can combine the two together

Because I reckon I'll be all the happier - knowing that there's no suggestion of "having to go without" because neither are good for me. Because going without, to me, WOULD be a waste of time!

© 2009 Leonie Stevens, Australia

A little bit of wisdom?

How can we justify claiming that we're fighting for acceptance,
and yet show lack of empathy towards others.

Disillusionment will not only erode self confidence of another person,
but can destroy any creativeness.

© 2006 Rose Davida, UK

Lies will only hurt people.
When the lies stop, the healing begins.

If you look at the essence of life,
it's about being grateful for that unique life and living every day and every moment .

Life isn't about where we're at,
but more about our behaviour
how we deal with circumstances
and how we treat people (including ourselves).

© 2007, Autumn Parry, Australia