We've moved!

If you've been wondering why there haven't been any recent "posts", then that's because we've moved.

We are now to be found at:  http://rosemarysnotebook.blogspot.com

Please come and join us - and better still become a "follower".  We'll make you very welcome.

Rights!

"Give to every human being every right that you claim for yourself".

...... Robt Ingersoll

A spring in my step!

For months now we've been awaiting the arrival of Spring. And on one day - a Sunday, I seem to recall it was actually Father's Day here in Australia, the sun came out shining, and everyone thought Spring has arrived! But no, just when we thought it was with us, it shrank behind a cloud and has been tempting us ever since.

But nature doesn't quite accept the fact that the weather may not do as it's supposed to do, and the gardens are a picture waiting to be photographed. Everywhere the camellias, single, double even triple, pale pastel, bright flambouyant red, are still ruling the gardens. Spring bulbs, daffodils, jonquils, hyacinths, gerberas are blooming their little hearts out, while the exquisitely perfumed freesias are busy trying to overdo themselves. A lovely little climbing clematis has deigned to bloom at my front gate, greeting everyone with it's own particular personal smile.

Even though it's cold (in fact it's quite freezing of an early evening and early morning) the sight of nature doing her own thing, whether it be in the flora or the native bird life around here, does make one feel that there is a "spring in our steps". The heart is lightened, the mind is cleared from the greyness of the winter months, optimism abounds, and plans and goals are set without too much thought. It's all a matter of looking to the future. As Louis Armstrong sang, "What a wonderful world!".

Disappointments!

When you think about it, all of us have disappointments.
Not necessarily, as I heard one person say, regrets.
But certainly disappointments.

And it's interesting. Because the majority, if not all, disappointments come about by, and through, and because of other people. Think about it.

Too often we explain our disappointments away by taking on self-blame, or making excuses that we weren't trying hard enough, or it wasn't meant to be - meaning, in part, that it was our fault being in the wrong place at the wrong time., or even worse that we didn't deserve what we had hoped for. Self-doubts come so easily with disappointments.

Or as in our career path, someone else "got in first". The fact that they were perhaps the choice of the employer (or friend when it comes to our friendship circle) and that that choice had never been ours in the first place sometimes eludes us. Oh yes, we can wish for, and want something so badly it hurts. But that doesn't take away the fact that not everything is there for us to take, when we want it!

It's the same with relationships. It doesn't matter whether it's a marriage, a friendship or even between people within a family. We may never really know them. And it comes as a bit of a shock to think that they don't really know us!

We, and they, may think we're as close as being under each other's skin, but we're not! We're two (or more) totally independent human beings. And the differences are huge.

We can believe in each other. We can trust each other. We can rely and protect each other. But we may never know each other. Everyone has secrets. Some deeply hidden. Some as a matter of pretense. We all know of people who "stretch" the truth; they tell what they profess is a "fib" and before long it is a big lie and then they have to add ammunition to that lie, otherwise they'll get caught out. Quite often these "fibs" relate to the lives of these human beings. Is it that they need to be seen as "super-heroes"? Do we sometimes fall into the same bad habits of stretching the truth?

Sadly it's the same in relationships. You may have been with a person for 12 months or 20 years, and then suddenly you discover that one or two things they've told you as being truth are discounted by more than one other person who all provide a similar story to each other. You begin to question whether everything you've been originally told was true or not. You begin to question yourself. And you begin to ask yourself whether you've been "taken in" again; or whether it's all your fault that no one tells you the truth.

It's all a matter of perspectives. If you are safe and secure in your own self-feelings and you trust your own astuteness and your own ability to know what is right and what is best for you, then you're on the right side. If you realise that people WILL disappoint you (just as much as you will sometimes disappoint them and yourself) and get on with life as you see it should be lived - ethically, principled, and honest - then you've already established that maybe you'll get hurt and disappointed again and again by people and events out of your control, but you're your own person. No one can take that away from you. No one can (or should try to) make you feel less a person. You are you, and everything within you and about you is unique.

Turn that uniqueness into something beautiful, serene, and untouchable by disappointments that may come upon you at any time by believing in yourself.

When disappointments do come, and they will, allow yourself to go through the processes of accepting and dealing with them, and then stand tall, be yourself, and strive forward.

Being the person you were meant to be!

If you can value truth above approval
and friendship over power, wealth or fame -

If you can share your gifts and talents wisely,
leaving someone better off than when you came -

If you find happiness in simple pleasures
and see the rainbow, not the falling rain -

If you have faith to keep right on believing in miracles that no one can explain

If you live every day to your potential
and find the good in everything you see -

Then you'll be, not just happy and successful,
but the person only you were meant to be

....... Emily Matthews

LOVE without ATTACHMENT

A lot of my friends (and even casual acquaintances) tell me that even though they surround themselves with lots of "positive" messages about self-acceptance, and plenty of healthy self-talk, there are times when they feel "out of place" and not quite sure of themselves, especially when it concerns relationships.

This is a favourite piece I have repeated and reproduced over many years through my newsletters and small booklets. I hope you will find it encouraging in your personal life.

Love without attachment!

After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul

And you learn that love does not mean leaning,
and company does not mean security

And you begin to learn that kisses are not contracts
and presents are not promises

And you begin to accept rejection
with your head up and your eyes clear

with the grace of an adult,
not the heartache of a child

And you learn to build your life on NOW
because tomorrow is too uncertain

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much

Plant your own garden and decorate your soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers

After a while you learn that you really have infinite worth.

...... Author unknown

(This piece also appears on our blog of http://plussizseissue.blogspot.com today)

Red!

"Red is not a fashion colour that comes and goes.
It is THE fashion colour. A joyous, classic colour".
.... George Goss

"Red is glamorous, captivating, striking, and cheeky.
It's the colour most likely to get you into mischief".
.... Alex Perry

Colours

Many young career women these days seem to think that if they wear the "conservative" suit or outfit (mainly black) that they look the part - that their professionalism is displayed through the colour they wear. Unfortunately many look dull and drab and won't budge from the colour black.

Many of us have fallen into a similar trap, and find that the majority of our clothes portray the person we want to be seen as, rather than the person we are.

I was talking to a group of hospital workers the other day - the kitchen, cafeteria and cleaning staff. Their uniform is black with a patch of white over each shoulder. Looks smart. But everyone can quite easily look the same.

So the girls who do the "housekeeping" - the cleaning - in the hospital wards decided to do something about making the uniform more "user-friendly". Just a simple touch of colour, but where to effectively place the colour without infringing the rules of the hospital about not adding anything to the uniform itself?

They bought a quantity of shoe laces (most of the staff wear black lace-up shoes for comfort as well as being part of the uniform), and a supply of white cotton ankle sox. They then purchased some bright, vivid, vibrant, outlandish colours and dyed the shoe laces and sox.

Now, each of them wear their coloured pieces in a different way - one wore a bright orchid pink sock and a deep purple sock, and tied her shoes with bright orange laces. Another wore a deep emerald green sock with a bright red sock and grey shoe laces.

Each had fun every day of the week by wearing the colour that matched their mood or feelings.

It just goes to show that even wearing a drab uninteresting uniform that colour can be added in the most amazing way.

We can do the same. While Spring is almost with us here in Australia, and we still have the dark evenings quite early, it's time to "break out" and blossom into the person we are, rather than hide behind what we think is a perfect uniform, but which can blend us so much into the background that we become invisible. And let's face it, no one wants to be invisible.

Learning to like yourself!

Is it difficult? Is it difficult for you?

Some people find it quite easy to like themselves. It might be that they've been brought up in an environment where they've always "felt" wanted and loved by family. That same feeling may then have continued during the years of growing up and going to school and then into their work-life. Their adulthood is filled with "knowing who they are" and they are quite content and if you ask them they'll say they "like themselves".

A lot of people though, for one reason or another, and it may not even have to do with the environment in which they were brought up, start having doubts about themselves. They doubt their skills, their ability to do even simple tasks. They question their purpose in life, and for many when they look in the mirror, they "see" failure. Not that they've failed at schooling or even within their work ethics, but too easily they can equate their "looks" with being a failure.

No amount of being told they're worthwhile; that they are as good as the next person, and that they've got everything going for them, will convince them that they're OK just as they are, and that they deserve the right to "like" themselves.

Some degree of belittling; putting down, being trodden on and walked over, has taken it's toll in the feelings of worth as far as "self" is concerned. It may have been something someone said or did at one time or another, or maybe even repeated episodes of being treated in this way. For, if we are told we are useless and hopeless and even stupid enough times by enough people (and even by one person), we will begin to believe it. We will lose sight of our goals and ambitions and dreams and we will become putty in their hands, never believing we have the power and strength to think and do for ourselves.

Most of us are vulnerable at some time or another. Most of us feel let down and worthless if we are treated in such a way as mentioned above. And it takes a long time to discover that those negative opinions of others are wrong. The intolerance and unacceptable behaviour by others should never be taken on as our fault or blame. They are responsible for their actions and behaviour and should be made aware of the fact. Too many people never discover their birth-right of being accepted as a human being with all its trappings or enhancements, and they go through life feeling dejected and unwanted. And this shouldn't be.

The first step of learning to like yourself is simple but means a huge step forward. It takes courage and it takes determination and it takes a lot of guts and stubbornness at times. Even if some family and friends show acceptance towards and about us, yet we have the slightest doubts that have been set in place because of incidents in the past, then it takes a lot of effort on our part to believe in ourselves.

For one thing is certain. We must believe in ourselves. We have to believe in ourselves. We have to "see" ourselves as we see our loved ones. Unique individuals, unlike anyone else. After all, we are our own best asset! And we have to nurture that knowledge.

One small thing most of us in this group have learned is this. Learning to like ourselves for who and what we are, right now, is the way to opening new doors of opportunity and new ways of expressing and sharing ourselves with others. Our own lives become more fascinating and challenging.

It's OK to like yourself

One of the biggest myths around
is that having a good opinion of yourself
means you're stuck up or big-headed

In reality, the opposite is true.

When you like yourself, you project a warm glow to the world
that says, "I think I'm OK".

Most people will respond positively to this.

Those who don't are most likely feeling insecure about themselves.

These little words of wisdom come from The Mini Motivator,© 1997, Paul Hanna

Never forget!

You are your own best asset!

Personal Development

A friend of ours - Tonya V, attends regular Personal Development seminars as part of her job.

She writes: "It was only after I read some of the letters in your regular newsletters and blogs that I started to look at people and how they act they they're in the presence of other people, not necessarily those who they already know. Especially as it relates to discriminatory behaviour.

Yesterday we had a seminar at one of the leading hotels in the city. People from all states were there, as well as some very well-known people from the entertainment and film industry. Morning tea arrived and I joined the queue for some coffee and a biscuit. I poured my coffee and took one biscuit and stood back from the crowd. A couple of women came up and we started chatting.

My supervisor joined the group, and stared at my biscuit which I was nibbling. her comment, "surely you don't need to stuff yourself with biscuits all day". I was shattered. I know she has a caustic tongue but in front of strangers, I was embarrassed. I stopped talking and looked away as I felt very close to tears - not that I'm thin skinned but when this sort of thing happens out of the blue, you tend to be unprepared for it.

One of the ladies in the group (a comedienne who lives here in Melbourne) took in the situation and merrily munching one of her biscuits (she had taken a couple), she laughed and said to my supervisor, "I'm so glad I don't work for you -- you'd really tear me to pieces. Look, I've got two biscuits. Oh, dear ....... and what's that, dear?", she asked my supervisor, before adding: "Oh, you've got three biscuits on your plate. Oh well, that explains everything". She walked away still chuckling.

My supervisor had the grace to blush. She took me to one side and said, "sorry". I'd never known her to be lost for words, but for once she had overstepped the mark. What did it matter whether i had a biscuit or not, or whether I had one biscuit or two? It was none of her business - she doesn't own me! But I was sure glad it was someone else who had taken her to task. I'll treat her a little differently from now on. I'm not telling her yet, but I'll be looking around for another position over the next three to size months and I'm taking a whole lot of notes of what it really means to have "personal development". I might even become a convener myself!"

(www.plussizeissue@blogspot.com and www.agingoutrageously@blogspot.com)

(Photo copyright Univ New South Wales, Australia)

Life is a journey, not a single destination

We are all searching for happiness.

It's OK to feel "lost" sometimes,
as it is in these lost times
that we go inside ourselves and find more of our hidden potential.

The next time you feel life is going nowhere,
take some quiet time to listen to the awesome power inside you.

It's there, just wanting to come out.

© Paul Hanna, The mini Motivator

Don't Underestimate Yourself

Instead of looking for that "wonder job"
or "once-in-a-lifetime opportunity",
start to go inside and learn to like yourself.

The world is your mirror and it's reflecting how you feel.
Lift your opinion of yourself and bingo - the world mirrors this.

....... © Paul Hanna, The Mini Motivator

Personal Trainers - Favourite Gyms

Everyone's talking about Personal Trainers - it seems that you've got to have one to be anybody these days. But who has the spare cash to afford one? Certainly not me.

If you can't afford a Personal Trainer then why don't you do to the local Gym? Aren't you listening? If I can't afford a Personal Trainer then I sure can't afford a programme at the local gym.

Anyway, I tried it once. And it's certainly not for me. Why? Simple. Because I'm a size 16 plus! woman and I felt out of my depth; I was made feel twice my size; I felt I couldn't keep up with the other young slim things; I felt hot, sweaty, out-of-condition and out-of-control and fat, fat, fat. And the instructor certainly didn't help matters - making cutting, rude remarks.

So why is it there aren't local gym facilities available (at affordable costs) at regional and community council levels which will encourage the participation of larger sized people. Everyone is telling us we're not healthy; and yet we're not really made feel welcome at these places even if we gather up enough courage to try them out.

I read in that wonderful American magazine Radiance many years ago, an article by a group of size 16 plus! ladies who actually started up their own group. An important part of this venture was, however, that they got a Gym management on side - they provided the equipment, and more importantly the rooms where they could work out to their heart's content, without worrying about what the other women were going to say. This gym Manager was glad of the opportunity of promoting his gym as a size friendly establishment - very forward thinking.

I'd be very interested to hear of any gyms here in Australia that have an understanding or commitment to helping the size 16 plus! women overcome their inhibitions and to take on personal health-care to another dimension. Any takers?

Manners maketh the man! And the woman too!

There's a lot of controversy these days when it comes to good manners.  Too many people, and this includes the media, seem to think and to say that good manners are old-fashioned, and that our culture has undergone so many changes that it's hard to work out what are good manners and what are not!

Now we, of this group, are of the old-fashioned views and standards.  Good manners and etiquette are timeless, and don't have to undergo such radical changes as we're being convinced is necessary today.   Being old-fashioned when it comes to manners, brings with it, feelings of security and in many ways feelings of safety.    

We're being persuades that in today's society it's necessary for us all to "understand" youth (anyone from 5 to 50 it seems) and their behaviour and allow them to be rude, to bully, to threaten, and to be totally obnoxious, without raising a finger.  As for questioning them, we're told to shut-up and move on.

I'm a great believer in good manners.  When it comes to behaviour with and between people.   And this includes, dare I suggest it, table manners and etiquette.   For it's no longer seen to be "cool" or "with it" for people to display good table manners.   People eat with their knives rather than knives and forks, and their fingers.  Don't get me wrong, finger food has to be eaten by finger, otherwise most of the enjoyment is lost.  But not when you are in the restaurant of the Sheraton, or the Langham, or the Windsor.  But it happens all the time.

A lady who is well known Australia wide, as well as Asia, is considered to be an expert in manners and etiquette.  Louise Percy of the Percy Institute situated in Western Australia, has all the answers.   I first met Louise Percy some years ago when I attended to short afternoon tea/etiquette course at her home.   A group of ladies shared afternoon tea and learned many of the little things that make up good manners at the table, and we were all impressed with Louise's genuineness and sincerity.


Why not visit her blog and get a "taste" of good manners and other matters, at   http://mannersandothermatters.blogspot.com/